Man. I feel like the months of October through December go by in an instant. I’ve tried to take a break from all the extra things I was doing to just kind of enjoy it, and I feel like I’ve succeeded a little bit.
At the same time, I’ve discovered no matter what season of life you’re in, recovery is hard. It’s hard to create new pathways, new habits, new people, places and things. Especially when you’ve been a drunk or an addict for SO many years, it’s so easy to fall back into those same patterns and routines.
But through the short time of sobriety I’ve had I’ve learned this; it gets better. My worst day now is far better than my best day drinking. I’m going to court for my children and their dad requested I do a hair follicle drug test. If you don’t know what that is, it’s where they cut your hair as close to the scalp as possible, send it to the lab, test it, and it reveals any illegal substances you’ve used in the past 90 days.
Now, I knew I would pass that hair follicle. I knew I hadn’t used in the last 90 days. But when so many years of your life are consumed with using, and how you’re going to get that next fix, I won’t lie, I was a little scared I’d fail. But I PASSED! Which means I can now prove to a judge that I am serious about my recovery and sobriety.
I want to finish with this, I’ve been praying a lot. When I say a lot, I mean 2-5 times a day depending on the day. For some that may seem excessive, for others maybe it’s not enough. For me, it’s a lot. In my prayers, I feel like God has told me again and again and again to come back to this blog; to share my story. So here I am, writing yet again. Trying to make the connections God is wanting me to make. I’ve decided to post at least twice a week. I hope you’ll stick with me while I work the kinks out, figure my design out, and make the whole website a little bit smoother.
I’m praying for you,